Epiphany #9: Our Teens Have Needs

Crazy, right? To think that these awkwardly proportioned, half child half adults have needs is kind of weird to think about. I mean, they are jerks all of the time, right? Wrong. What if you knew that the reason they act out is because there are needs that are not filled... Ones you are responsible to fill for them? 

It's the truth. There are five main main needs that need to be met in order for your teen to feel loved and be healthy. To put this in perspective, the fulfilling of these needs will lead to your teens having less trouble listening, an easier time being responsible, and a significantly lower problem with drugs. The first of these needs is the need for Contact/Belonging. The lack of feeling like they are loved in the home leads them to look for love and acceptance elsewhere. This comes in the form of sports teams sometimes, but more than likely they turn to cliques, gangs, and smoking groups. 

The second need is Power. Whenever you find your teens acting out and arguing, they are fighting for a voice. The best way to fix this is to give them one. Listen, and try to actually understand what they have to say. You may just be surprised with the ideas that they actually have. 

The third type of need that all teens have is the need for protection. If home is an unsafe place (either emotionally or physically) teens are old enough to search for protection elsewhere. This is most often seen in the form of gangs, which can be scary for the members and the communities in which they reside. 

The fourth need for teens is the need for withdrawal. They need some time to themselves. They are becoming individuals and need some space to figure themselves out. So give it to them. They will feel more respected when their space is respected. 

The last need that teens have is challenge. Let's face it: teens want some competition! Whether it be a positive source, like sports, or a negative one, like fights at school, a teen will get what they subconsciously need. 

You as a parent have the opportunity to influence where your teens get their needs fulfilled. We have a lot more leverage than you probably realize. So lets take it, and make this time a pleasant one in our homes, for EVERYONE.